Domestic Distractions

I suppose there isn’t an excuse for six months of silence–especially on a blog. It’s inexcusable. But I thought I’d at least share the reason, and perhaps get a little sympathy that would cause you to forget my egregious absence.

I am pregnant!

No, I wasn’t off celebrating for those six months, sadly. Apparently I have been blessed with a particularly bad case of morning sickness. I would sit resolutely at my computer, fighting off nausea, determined to write, and then…I would make a mad dash for the bathroom to get sick. Sorry for the image, but as I’m sure all pregnant ladies will tell you, it’s difficult to pretend you’re handling all the changes and quirks in your body with grace, especially when so many of them are uncomfortable! I'd just like to thank all the millions of mothers who have been through this process and the majority who’ve even gone on to repeat it! Bless you all.

Not to focus on the negative--I’m thrilled, and so excited. I could not be happier. But this baby is already throwing a wrench in my starry-eyed plans of being a work-at-home writer. As this is my first, I expected that I could be completely focused on writing up until my due date. Then I’d have to shuffle things around a little. Ha! This baby’s already teaching me that it plans to turn my life upside-down in many different ways, ways I can’t predict.

Which is a great corollary to becoming an Army Wife. I can't speak for everyone, of course: being around military families for the past two years has taught me that everyone has a different experience. That being said, when we got married, I had expectations for army life. I figured that I could get prepared and organized, and I could still tailor military family life to my expectations. I've learned it doesn't work that way. Even things that were set in stone (a work trip, a long-weekend) can be canceled, moved, or changed as soon as you've solidified plans. 

When we first got married, we planned to wait at least three years before having kids. Now, as we're about to celebrate our second anniversary, we're counting down to baby's arrival in October! The likelihood of deployment during Steve's next assignment pushed up our timeline considerably. And despite the change in plans, I haven't regretted the decision at all. If I'd been this sick while he was deployed, I don't know how baby and I would have made it! I'm so grateful he's been around to do everything--except write this blog for me!

Searching for Purpose

One saying that always gives me comfort while contemplating my husband's profession is: "The safest place to be is the center of God's will." Now, I realize that this doesn't guarantee complete protection from injury, sorrow or difficulty. Some people might see it that way, but that isn't my view of God. I don't believe He's promised us a life free from heartache.

The truth I find in that saying is that if I'm being obedient, listening to and following God's will for my life, then He will take care of the rest. I can only do my part by listening to where He wants me to be and getting there. I am comforted by the fact that Steve has strongly felt the call to be a part of the military; if that is where God wants him, then that's where I want him to be, also. So even though he has a difficult mission, I feel secure knowing that God is the One who has chosen it for him.

Then there's me. I've found it easy over the past year and a half to identify myself by my husband's mission. I'm an army wife, the support on the home front. But as I'm going over my goals for 2010, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm treating my role as an army wife as God's plan for my life or just as the situation I'm currently in.

I do feel called to be an army wife.While my role isn't the dangerous one, I still need to consider it a serious calling. It may be a behind-the-scenes role, but I've been charged with filling it. In a lot of ways, I believe it's more difficult to be the one left at home, waiting for news from the front lines--in both spiritual and physical battles. Sometimes I wish I were the one out there fighting in the trenches--it's so alluring to be the one off on the action-filled adventure, in spite of (or maybe because of) the danger.

But God needs people in both positions. He needs men and women willing to answer the call to wade into the fray, and those who stay and keep the home fires burning. The latter may not have all the glory or excitement of the front lines, but it's just as necessary. If no one was waiting at home, what would we be fighting for?

2010 Objectives

I love new beginnings. I love opening a new book, turning to a fresh page of notepaper, and unpacking in a new house. I guess that's one appeal that Army life has for me—constant new beginnings. For that reason, I also love early January, when the whole year stretches out in front of me, blank but full of possibility.

For me, though, starting a new year also means evaluating the old one: how I spent my time, what goals went unreached, things I should have done and didn't, and conversely, things I shouldn't have done and did. My house wasn't always clean, I didn't keep in touch, I watched too much TV, I don't feel that my relationship with God grew very much due to my lack of effort—these are all things on my list of 2009 "failures."

As I love doing, I took stock of the things I need to do better and sat down to write my game plan for reaching the goals I have for 2010. This list included: making a weekly meal plan so I don't overspend on groceries, limiting television time, writing for a certain number of hours per week, and joining two Bible studies. I like measurable goals like these, so I can chart my progress and calculate my success in each area.

While writing out these quantifiable goals, however, I came across a little dilemma. I realized that the goals that ultimately mean the most to me cannot be evaluated with any kind of measuring stick. At the end of 2010 I won't be able to say, "I love God more now because I read the Bible over cover-to-cover this year," or "I was a better wife because I had dinner on the table at exactly 6:30pm every night." I won't even be able to quantify how much my writing has improved over the course of the year.

As I read Pathway to Purpose for Women (Brazelton) this week, I was reminded how much value is in the journey, instead of just the objective. God won't care if I make it to Bible study if I am too busy or stressed to show His love to the people around me and Steve won't care if I serve him gourmet dinners each evening if I do it grudgingly and grouchily. Katie Brazelton quotes her dad in Pathway to Purpose, "'Just follow your script today.'"

I need that reminder, especially dealing with all the unknowns and surprises of being an Army wife. I tend to think that if I haven't checked off everything on my to-do list for the day, I've failed. In 2010, I need to give priority to the intangible goals that have lasting effect on my relationship with God, family, friends and acquaintances. To do that, I'll need to take my eyes off my to-do list and focus on the ones who matter most in my life.

No Holiday Cheer for the Neighbors This Year

Growing up in Virginia, my mom baked pies for the neighbors every year for Christmas. She'd bake pies, and my sister and I would be sent off with our little red wagon to deliver them. We knew just about everyone in the neighborhood, so she must have baked a lot of pies.

She would also bake pies or cookies to welcome new families to our street. I loved that she did that. Nothing says "home" more than fresh baked goods, right? Especially if they're made from scratch. It shows you put some time and thought into welcoming new neighbors.

Since we're living in a house for the first time this year, I decided it was time to begin that tradition myself. After all, I'm an adult now, right?

So when neighbors on three sides of us moved out a few months ago, I looked forward to meeting the people who would be moving in. When the first house was rented, Steve and I decided to take them over some cookies one Sunday.

Unfortunately, Steve was called into work that afternoon. I had already made the cookie dough, and the oven was already preheating. So I decided that I would just take the cookies over by myself, and I'd introduce Steve another time.

I naively rushed over with my plate of cookies, eager to make new acquaintances and hoping for new friends. Unfortunately, as I found out quickly and to my chagrin, the house had been rented by three single military guys in their twenties. The guys were really confused about why a married woman they didn't know was bringing them food--alone.

I'm sorry to say that there are some military wives who make it a point to meet young military guys while their husbands are away. Let me just take the opportunity to say that I am most certainly NOT one of them.

But these guys didn't know that.  I could see them wondering why I was really there, so I tried to mention Steve as much as I could in the brief conversation I had with my three new neighbors. It was painfully awkward. I left as quickly as possible.

Needless to say, when new people moved in next to them a few weeks ago, I didn't go to meet them. I don't know who lives there--they drive up in their cars, park in the garage and shut the garage door behind them. And the guys across the street are rarely outside if they're home, so I haven't spoken to them since. Steve still hasn't met them.

Maybe next year we'll know our neighbors. I hope we do. But I'm not quite ready to go delivering Christmas pies to unknown neighbors yet.

Maybe when we have kids, I'll send them over to deliver the pies.