Searching for Purpose

One saying that always gives me comfort while contemplating my husband's profession is: "The safest place to be is the center of God's will." Now, I realize that this doesn't guarantee complete protection from injury, sorrow or difficulty. Some people might see it that way, but that isn't my view of God. I don't believe He's promised us a life free from heartache.

The truth I find in that saying is that if I'm being obedient, listening to and following God's will for my life, then He will take care of the rest. I can only do my part by listening to where He wants me to be and getting there. I am comforted by the fact that Steve has strongly felt the call to be a part of the military; if that is where God wants him, then that's where I want him to be, also. So even though he has a difficult mission, I feel secure knowing that God is the One who has chosen it for him.

Then there's me. I've found it easy over the past year and a half to identify myself by my husband's mission. I'm an army wife, the support on the home front. But as I'm going over my goals for 2010, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm treating my role as an army wife as God's plan for my life or just as the situation I'm currently in.

I do feel called to be an army wife.While my role isn't the dangerous one, I still need to consider it a serious calling. It may be a behind-the-scenes role, but I've been charged with filling it. In a lot of ways, I believe it's more difficult to be the one left at home, waiting for news from the front lines--in both spiritual and physical battles. Sometimes I wish I were the one out there fighting in the trenches--it's so alluring to be the one off on the action-filled adventure, in spite of (or maybe because of) the danger.

But God needs people in both positions. He needs men and women willing to answer the call to wade into the fray, and those who stay and keep the home fires burning. The latter may not have all the glory or excitement of the front lines, but it's just as necessary. If no one was waiting at home, what would we be fighting for?

2010 Objectives

I love new beginnings. I love opening a new book, turning to a fresh page of notepaper, and unpacking in a new house. I guess that's one appeal that Army life has for me—constant new beginnings. For that reason, I also love early January, when the whole year stretches out in front of me, blank but full of possibility.

For me, though, starting a new year also means evaluating the old one: how I spent my time, what goals went unreached, things I should have done and didn't, and conversely, things I shouldn't have done and did. My house wasn't always clean, I didn't keep in touch, I watched too much TV, I don't feel that my relationship with God grew very much due to my lack of effort—these are all things on my list of 2009 "failures."

As I love doing, I took stock of the things I need to do better and sat down to write my game plan for reaching the goals I have for 2010. This list included: making a weekly meal plan so I don't overspend on groceries, limiting television time, writing for a certain number of hours per week, and joining two Bible studies. I like measurable goals like these, so I can chart my progress and calculate my success in each area.

While writing out these quantifiable goals, however, I came across a little dilemma. I realized that the goals that ultimately mean the most to me cannot be evaluated with any kind of measuring stick. At the end of 2010 I won't be able to say, "I love God more now because I read the Bible over cover-to-cover this year," or "I was a better wife because I had dinner on the table at exactly 6:30pm every night." I won't even be able to quantify how much my writing has improved over the course of the year.

As I read Pathway to Purpose for Women (Brazelton) this week, I was reminded how much value is in the journey, instead of just the objective. God won't care if I make it to Bible study if I am too busy or stressed to show His love to the people around me and Steve won't care if I serve him gourmet dinners each evening if I do it grudgingly and grouchily. Katie Brazelton quotes her dad in Pathway to Purpose, "'Just follow your script today.'"

I need that reminder, especially dealing with all the unknowns and surprises of being an Army wife. I tend to think that if I haven't checked off everything on my to-do list for the day, I've failed. In 2010, I need to give priority to the intangible goals that have lasting effect on my relationship with God, family, friends and acquaintances. To do that, I'll need to take my eyes off my to-do list and focus on the ones who matter most in my life.