Currently, my daily life probably isn't that much different than anyone else's…except for the fact that I'm packing up to move for the third time since Steve and I got married, seven months ago. We've been stationed at Fort Riley, KS (the base Steve was deployed from throughout our engagement and our first married home – for a week); Fort Benning, GA (for Captain's Career Course, a six-month training assignment); and finally, we're headed to Eglin Air Force Base on the Florida panhandle, where Steve will be a Ranger Instructor for the Army's elite Ranger School. (Ranger School is the one you hear all the horror stories about – no food, no sleep, no contact. When I sat in the bleachers at Steve's Ranger School graduation, a somewhat bewildered Army girlfriend, an Army wife told me that Ranger School was harder for her than deployment, because they were able to communicate more while he was in Iraq.) More details about Ranger School later, though. Even though I've never actually been through the course, I could still probably write pages about it.
I know a lot of people aren't like me – I actually enjoy moving. I moved a few times growing up (even once internationally), and though we weren't a military family, it really helped prepare me for being an Army wife. I hated it the first few times, but gradually I started to look forward to new places and new people, which I'm grateful for now. It's still difficult, though, and a lot of wives have trouble with constant moving. It doesn't matter whether you work and have to find a new job, or you're a stay-at-home mom that has to help kids ease into new schools and make new friends while building your own support network. Every situation presents frustrations.
I would say that out of the women I've talked to in this "profession" (well, it definitely feels that way sometimes), location changes seem to inspire the second-most amount of dread, right behind the obvious – deployment. You get a chance to settle in, make some friends, find a church or a gym or a job…and then you're back to where you started, in new place with new challenges. And let's be honest – an Army base's location is very hit-or-miss. You can be stationed in exotic places like Hawaii, Italy, or Germany; beautiful places like Alaska, Seattle, or Colorado Springs…or you can end up in the middle of Kansas, Oklahoma, or Louisiana. No offense to anyone who's from any of those places. It's just that to a girl who grew up in the rolling hills of Virginia, close to the mountains, close to the city, and close to the ocean, being stationed in Manhattan, Kansas (the "Little Apple") sounds pretty depressing.
However, here's what I found out: Fort Riley is beautiful. It has rolling hills. It has a lake and a river. It has a huge country music festival with big-name stars every June. It turned out that, despite my East Coast prejudice towards the "Plain" state, I ended up liking the area. It wasn't perfect – more on the challenges of living in a military town later – but I also knew I wouldn't be there forever, so I was forced to focus on the good things while I had them.
Having that mentality helps. Right now, we love our church here in Georgia, Christ Community Church. We've met wonderful people there, and we feel very at home. I'm not looking forward to leaving, even though Columbus, GA isn't considered an enviable place to be stationed. However, Eglin AFB, our next home, is right on the Emerald Coast of Florida. And I am excited about that!
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Al Feria just forwarded your blog link to me. I have never had a blog - so it took me a while to figure out how to leave you a note.:) I enjoyed reading your post. My husband was in the Marines when we married 6 years ago. It was tricky even setting a wedding date as the war in Iraq was pending and his schedule was unpredictable at best. I have a sister who is married to a Navy guy and I was sure I would never marry someone in the military. I knew God had given her a special calling as a Navy wife - but I saw the hardship of being separated for long periods of time and just did not want that kind of life. As is often the case, God had a different plan for me and it took me 3 years to open my heart and eyes to see what He saw for me in my husband. I grew up as a missionary kid - so traveling and moving frequently is not new to me. In fact, like you I actually do not mind moving to new places. The hard part is I am not an extrovert in the slightest so I have had to grow immensely in my ability to get right out there and make friends immediately because there is not time to sit around and wait for someone else to make the move. We are no longer in the military - but my husband now works for the government and the lifestyle is not much different. I don't have to worry about longterm deployments - but I can't number the trips he has gone on since he started this job 2 years ago. We have also added two little girls to the mix and this change has been a source of comfort and stress to me. It is definitely better than being alone - but I do not envy single moms!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to add that when we first married, my husband deployed for the war 2 months later. I remember when he came home to tell me and I wasn't even sure how to process it all. We had not really been sharing a life for long and I had not had time to plug into a community - so I ended up going home again and waiting out his deployment. It felt a bit like we were still dating and in many ways was easier than his later deployments after we had time to truly feel married. However, I do remember that first time dropping him off and saying goodbye with a few tears. I started driving and all of the sudden I had this horribly awful moment of truth when I realized he was leaving me for who knows how long (anywhere from 6 months to over a year) and that this man I had finally 'found' to share my life with might not return. It took everything in me to keep driving home and not turn around. I seriously wanted to go back and demand that he not leave me! Crazy and rediculous and later I found out just how little the military would care about the feelings of one little Marine wife. :) He went on a couple of more deployments after that first one and we spent a lot of time apart and then back together - each time having to figure out how to be married 'again'. For awhile it felt like we were always starting over from scratch. It still is difficult at times because his work demands so much of his life - it is not the kind of 8-5 job he can just leave at the office.
It's interesting that you mention about finding the good in where you are sent - as you don't get much choice. Similarly, we still don't get much choice and we don't often get to stay long. We are currently in Hawaii - which sounds heavenly - but is not necessarily my pick. There are many things I have had to deal with in my own attitude. Like you, though, God is teaching me to take advantage of all that there is to learn and appreciate in each set of cirumstances. I want my daughters to grow up like I did - learning what my parents taught me - how to be content in any situation..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
In each situation it is always easy for me to complain. And I don't always find a church or community that meets my needs or makes me feel at home. But God has always been faithful to provide at least one truly genuine and dear friend - I have one of these in every place we've lived and still keep in touch with them. If you take advantage of this you can travel and never lack for a place to stay. :) It's been hard not having my family around...but it definitely forces me to cling to my husband in times when I might just be frustrated and run to my mom or sisters if they were close by. So this is a blessing in disguise I have learned.
Okay - well I'll close this novel. I just thought I'd jot down a few of my experiences and I will be thinking of you as you embark on this new adventure.
I am so excited for you to move here! I know we will still be about an hour apart...and not neighbors as we were in Paris, but this is better than states apart!
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